What if?

Today we learned that after 2 years following divorce, 70% of couples that divorced said that their marriage could have been saved. 70% of divorced males are remarried. What if they had just stuck it out? If only they could have seen the future. What's sad is that children suffers the consequences of divorce as well. This is what's hard. And it's even harder for the women when they don't have help, also delaying their dating process for prospect companions.

One of the things that I kept with me from our marriage ceremony were these words, "You are stuck with each other!" If marriage is ordained of God, then it should be honored by obeying covenants and doing all I can to make it work. No success come by quitting. We can't assume the end of something if all we care about is our self. In a marriage relationship, two makes one. We become one no matter what. We do whatever it takes to become like heavenly father.

The Family Barriers...

I think it's interesting to notice that the media has done a great job of avoiding telling about the issue of same sex marriage. Because when we talk about barriers for the family, there's really nothing out there that shows how the world supports the family, except for those who have deeply rooted in their trust in God.
This is where the family is at the center and its barriers include, faith, commitment to spouse and children, service to others, etc. While divorce is the outward influence that tends to break through these barriers, and adultery, contention in marriage, etc.
Interesting observation by brother Williams, he said "Gay people's objective is not to get marry- their objective is to destroy it."
He also talks about the four Ballast Qualities such as:

-Response-ability; opportunity and challenges
-Cooperation
-Respect
-Courage; "taking a known Risk for a known Outcome" (Michael Williams).

In class brother Williams also related a conversation he had with the local judge about the divorce cases with students and he says, "the judge simply reply, 'their reply was it's just not fun anymore' and that is the common case." People now days do not have the courage and the desire to work hard to rebuild or make corrections in their marriage.

"One for the Money"

-Budgeting
-Tithing
-Eliminating Debt
-Saving

One that really stood out to me was budgeting. To get to the bottom of it, it really makes it easier to say "no". We talked about finances as being one of the factors in divorce. I think it all boils down to how we prioritize and divi up our income. But first things first, and that is giving back ten percent to the Lord. Some people talked about how to set an account where that automatically takes care of that. And others are pretty traditional. But I think it's very important that the Lord is first. This is a principle that has govern the kingdom upon the earth without any stumbling block. It shows the faith of the members and their willingness to build the kingdom.
Eliminating debt is creating more freedom and room to breathe. We have to identify what's needed and discard the wants for the sake of our marriage and happiness in that marriage. There are times when things are necessary to loan money for, but there's also the time to say no.
By eliminating debt we can also save money and pay other debts faster. The faster we become debt free, the more we gather and the happier our family will be.

Parenting...

Which parent is a child better without? The mom or the dad?

This was an awesome approach by one of the young children made in front of a hearing during the case of same sex marriage. What an innocent insight yet inspiring and courageous of that little girl to stand up in defending the truth. Truth as it is, as it has been, and will be forever. So grateful that even young children understand the different abilities and characteristics of both gender in heading a family unit.

It's interesting how children perceive in the home. If I remember correct, we talked about some ways of going about creating a positive energy in the home and especially with the children.

1- Polite request
2- Firm request
3- Using "I" messages
4- Logical consequences

I've heard this from numerous occasion but also in this class that children are like video cameras with sound. Children record everything that goes on. They observe and later on act on what they learn from others especially from the parents. You know, when we grow up to have children I think we'll think like our parents did- "we only want what was best for them." I think too often we think about what we want for our children rather than showing them how we want them to be. The example that always comes to mind, is the one by Sister Julie Beck, and that was "the best way to love your daughter is by how you treat your wife."

Mothers are incredible. They feel so much, take so much, give much, and sacrifice so much for our families. I am grateful for the gospel because of it's teachings regarding motherhood. My wife use to tease me when she was pregnant with our first baby, "even when I'm just sitting, I am still working." And I guess it depends on how we've perceived the women in our lives to be. I know for a fact that the women in my life have been such hard workers and loyal to the men. Who else can play those roles better than my mom, or my wife, your mom and your wife? The home is where they belong. There is much to be done in the home and that is a fact. When women are called on for other responsibilities they will do all they can to support. But it is home that they ought to be.

Communication is vital in a relationship. I know that a lot of the problems we encounter in marriage life is the result of poor communication. One statement I remember that I liked from class is the fact that no one, not even our spouses can read our minds. God can. But only him. And I think this is why it's so important to include him in our lives, to counsel with him on a day to day bases; because he understands us better.
I also liked what we about with verbal and non-verbal language. How we used symbols and methods of communicating simple things. That's the way our Heavenly Father communicates to us, in fact many times, it's through personal feelings and the warmth in our inner-person that we recognize his communication.

One of things that came to me during one of our class discussion while talking about marriage relationship early on is the commitment level of each other and how that is crucial at this point in a couple's lives. I don't recall much about my parent's relationship when I was little, but I know that they made it through it because they had some sort of commitment. I am grateful for that. Marriage is a day to day building process and it all depends on how we as spouses view each other. I guess it makes me appreciative of the struggles that are blown towards our path and how many of them gets sent our way to prove that commitment and to test our hearts to see if we're gonna last.
But that's the beauty of the gospel. . . we are taught to stick with it and suffer through it because at the end, it'll all be worth it. Eternity!

A couple of weeks ago we had the opportunity to discuss in class about sex and how sacred that is in the plan of God. I thought it was very appropriate and although for some it was uncomfortable it led me to believe that maybe most of us in class weren't taught the appropriate way of when to have sex or why we do. I mean it was sort of obvious with how most of us didn't comment or say anything.
It seems as though parents are beginning, if not already, to talk freely about sex to their children now days and I believe it's great. The question that came up was, are they taught to use contraception at any time if they want? or are they taught that they are to be married before engaging in sex activities? The answer is obvious and that is that the world understand it to be good and that they should encourage their children to have sex using contraception and what not to prevent pregnancy.
Clearly this is not the intent of the plan of salvation. Another question that came to me was, are our children aware of this issue? I will make sure that our home is a place of the spirit where love abides and where questions and the concerns of our children are being addressed. We need to understand that our children are sensitive and can learn really fast about these issue, and if we are not teaching them the right way, then we might be too late and suffer the consequences upon our own heads. Home is where these issues should be addressed and taught.

I thought a lot about titles in our lives. What makes us who we are? What titles do we often hear others address us? I know that some of the times I've notice within the echo that some of whom we associate with tend to title us with some undefined term such as "gay" when really they meant lame, or stupid. We start to ponder these things sometimes and often I find myself in anger and separated from the world. Then we begin to notice other people and want to be part of their role. A lot of choices are mixed up due to this. And it really is unfortunate that some think they were really born to be gay or lesbian. I thought this was an interesting observation and discussion in class.

One of the things that I am really thankful for is my culture, my heritage. I don't know that we all have the same intentions, drive, or whatever build from within our own cultures. But one thing I am grateful for is that we were all born with one. Now eventually everyone unites under the culture of the Savior, but each of us have our own views as well and how we identify things.
I think that cultures no matter where from is centered on families. As we learned this week about some of the value system and set of beliefs that creates certain cultures. Most all of them are similar, some in background and others in traditions.
The culture of the family was most interesting to me. I was glad that brother Williams demonstrated some of reality in class. In most times in those discussion I felt most affected by it. Everyone is trying to reach their goals of happiness. And it's interesting to note that those goals are mainly about bringing families from areas where they can't progress and enjoy freedom and privileges. As the Nephi taught in the Book of Mormon, all who come to this land is led by the Lord. This is a land where families can enjoy the blessings of the gospel. I really enjoyed this week's lesson.

One of the cool experiences about this past weeks part of the class assignments was observing how parents and their children interact with each other. I also took this opportunity to observe myself a few times with my own daughter and how she interacts with the both of us parents.
One observation I had with one of the families at Albertson was that every time the child wanted something the child would cry or whine a little bit. The dad would then react and say, What's the matter? While the mom would say, please use your words. Another time it was, sweetie, did you mean juice? The mom would say this. The dad says the same thing, What's going on son?
One of the greatest books I have the opportunity to read right now is the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," by Stephen Covey. And one of the first principles taught by Dr. Covey is being pro-active. While observing this little family, I noticed that the mom was usually the one being pro-active. The dad reacts and instead of trying to understand the situation, would ask the questions, what's the matter. Whereas the mom would say, honey did you want you sippy?
No wonder why kids are more lean towards moms!
Now, this is not always the case. Mom do it too. While observing this little family, it made me realized that I do the same thing too. So I need to help my daughter and try to understand her need before I respond.

I think it's interesting learning about the different trends that we talked about in class this week about the family. Some were not so significant and others pretty staggering. Like for example the divorce rate and how much cohabitation goes on in our society today. I think these are pretty incredible information to consider and remind our young people to be careful about. So much of what is intended for the happiness of our love ones can sometimes depend on how we take these issues and talk to them about it.
Another important thing that I've learned from this week's discussion is the different walks of life we've all traveled through. Some expressed their concern about who will take care of their younger siblings because before it was them. Others shared that their parents are taking second jobs and even mothers are out there in the work force. I believe moms should stay home and tend to the children, organize or prepare meals. That's the way it should be. But listening to some in class, they say that it's not a big deal. I think it is big deal especially for those families with children. Children need to be trained all the time and nourished them with good values. Who else better to do that than mom? They need the daily interaction in the home. Anyway those are my thoughts.

Hello there!

My name is Alema Seu and  I am studying at BYU-Idaho in Emergency Services Administration. I look forward to reading your posts.